


Flowers

by DearLittleRobin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearLittleRobin/pseuds/DearLittleRobin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima never was one to fall for the "if everyone says so, than it must be true" philosophy and he started believing even less on it the moment he coughed the first petals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

If someone said that Yamaguchi was in love with Tsukishima, no one would be surprised. If the duo was found out to be dating, most people wouldn't be surprised either. It was already obvious that Yamaguchi liked Tsukishima, so that would just mean that the tall blond liked him back. It was what everyone thought. Tsukishima never was one to fall for the "if everyone says so, than it must be true" philosophy and he started believing even less on it the moment he coughed the first petals.

It hurt. Not just the physical pain of coughing flower petals, but the fact that Yamaguchi didn't like him back.  _Yamaguchi didn't like him back_. His best friend, almost like his only friend, the boy who was there even tough he didn't deserve it didn't like him back.

At fist, all that Tsukishima could feel was anger. Anger towards his friend. Why the hell would Yamaguchi act like he was in love with him if he wasn't? Why would him make Kei pass through shit like this? Did he want Kei to suffer? But as the petals kept coming out of his mouth the only anger he could feel was towards himself for being so pathetic. Falling in love with his best friend and being fucking friendzoned was really not what Kei imagined for himself.

_Pathetic._

Tsukishima didn't tell anyone about it. He still held hope that he could move on. He was Tsukishima Kei after all, the cold ,sassy and heartless Karasuno's middle blocker. He would move on.

For the first month he did a very good job. The petals didn't show up as often as to be considered a big problem and every time they did he was capable of hiding them or excusing himself to the bathroom. Kei's love was unrequited and he was dealing with it. Until that day.

The team was having a practice match with all players in the court, regulars or not. They had long sets but in the end, Tsukishima's team won, the final point being made by one of Yamaguchi's serves. Everyone went to cheer and congratulate him and Kei was fine with that because hey, it was expected to happen. They won the game and they're happy about it. No big deal. 

Then Yachi came with a smile almost bigger than her face that somehow made her look cuter than she already was. She came and kissed Yamaguchi's cheek, the act being followed by more screams from their teammates. 

"Yamaguchi's got a girlfriend!" 

Yamaguchi blushed but smiled and looked at Yachi. He looked at her the way you look at someone you love and she returned the look. The moment they both hugged Tsukishima felt as if it was the first time the petals showed up all over again. That suffocating feeling he could not control, the pain in his heart and lungs and the urge to vomit until he felt nothing.

He ran to the bathroom. 

When he got there some petals had already escaped, but that didn't matter. He needed to get them out of his body and  _move on move on move on move on move on Tadashi doesn't love you he loves her he will never love you move on move on move on_  

"Tsukki? Are you all right?" 

Of course Yamaguchi would follow him to the bathroom. Kei prepared to answer but he couldn't. He couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe. The only thing he could do was cough the blue and pink and red petals in the toilet and be reminded that the love of his life didn’t love him back. 

"Tsukki?" 

In the next moment Yamaguchi was next to Kei and seeing his friend,  _Tsukki is so cool!,_  reduced to a coughing mess. Tsukishima wanted to scream and cry but the goddamned petals didn't stop coming. Soon all the team was at the bathroom door but Suga, after seeing the situation, was quick to get everyone out of there. Kei would have to thank him later  _if_  he survived this. When he finally stopped, he wanted to lay down and sleep for three months. 

"Who is it?" 

Oh, Yamaguchi was still there. Great. Tsukishima turned to his friend. Yamaguchi looked so worried that it could be mistaken by physical pain.

"What?" Tsukishima managed to say with a weak voice. 

"Who is it?" Yamaguchi repeated. 

 _You_ , Tsukishima wanted to answer. However, he didn't. He just got up and walked out of the bathroom looking down because the last think he wanted to see was the look in his teammates eyes. He didn't need this, he was moving on. 

"Tsukishima..." It was Suga's voice. Sad and full of pity. 

_He doesn't love you._

Tsukishima didn't even bother to look up to him when he exited the gym, running towards his house, petals and tears falling. The house was empty when he got there. Kei knew he could stop that pain, he could take out the petals. But it would take his feelings too. Yamaguchi could survive without his love, he had other friends and Yachi to fill that hole for him. But Tsukishima didn't. He would live with that part of him missing forever. Was it worth it? 

_Pathetic._


	2. Chapter Two

Tsukishima's life was always full of flowers. They were there, in his brother's right hand whenever he went out for a date with his girlfriend, next to his aunt's gravestone in the cemetery, on the bedside table of the hospital when his father had to do a surgery , literally everywhere in his grandmother's house, on the dining room table and even in the bathroom. They decorated his memories.

Flowers have always been there, and they still were.

But instead of being in a bouquet for Tadashi in their first date,they were just petals on Kei's bedroom floor. Instead of decorating the house him and his friend, that would be way more than just a friend at that point, would have shared, they would have probably been on Tsukishima's gravestone if his brother hadn't found him on time.

The surgery was simple and painless. Kei felt nothing during it, the sedatives that were given to him worked perfectly well. When he woke up, he wanted to ask the doctor if the sedatives were still affecting him. That would explain the numb feeling on his chest. Three hours passed, but the numb feeling didn't. In fact, it had only gotten worse. Stupid sedatives.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No"

And the conversation with his brother was over. Kei quietly thanked the fact that his parents were out of town that week because he knew Akiteru would give him the space their parents wouldn't. Kei really wasn't looking forward to the conversation that he would have to have with his mother and father. If he was honest, Kei wasn't looking forward to anything.

"Kei"

"Yes?"

"Yamaguchi called"

 _Yamaguchi_. Kei thought about him for a second. About his smile and laughter and voice and face and everything but that numb feeling was still there and only getting worse and worse and he knew that it wasn't the sedative anymore, it never was, but it was easier not to admit it.

"What did he want?"

"He asked about you, if you were okay. He was very worried"

"And what did you say?"

Kei knew he still felt things.He knew that the feeling he got when he looked at his brother was love, just like when thought about his parents. He knew he felt annoyance when he thought about Hinata and Kageyama and thankfulness when he thought about Suga. And he also knew he should feel something, _anything_ , when he thought about Yamaguchi.

He should feel love and thankfulness and even annoyance because their friendship wasn't perfect. It wasn't fucking possible he could feel something towards the dumb duo and nothing towards his best friend.

"I said that you had some problems , but everything went well and you were physically okay"

"And what did he say?"

"He asked if you were emotionally okay as well"

"I'm not"

"I know, I told him that"

Kei felt like crying. He had loved Yamaguchi, he knew that for sure, but now there was nothing. Why couldn't him feel anything?It was Yamaguchi, his best friend, the person he loved. There should be something.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"...Whatever"

When Akiteru hugged him, he felt like crying again. Could he still call Yamaguchi his best friend now? Probably not. Yamaguchi was _Yachi's_ boyfriend and _Hinata's_ friend, but was he Kei's anything ? You have to feel something towards someone to know that, don't you?

"Did Yamaguchi say anything else?"

"He apologized"

"Hm. Do you think he knows?"

"I don't know, Kei."

"I don't want him to know"

Akiteru sighed and the room was silent again.

 _Numb_.

When Tsukishima opened the door to his room, two days after surgery, when the doctor allowed him to go back home, the petals were still there, decorating his floor with colors. He heard a panicked noise from behind him.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Kei! Let me just..."

"No"

"...clean this up for yo..."

They stayed silent for some seconds until Kei spoke again.

"Don't worry. I'll clean it up myself."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"...Okay then. Tell me when you're done"

Kei knew it wasn't a good thing to do, but when he looked at the flower petals spread on his bedroom floor all he could think about was Yamaguchi and he could feel sadness and pain.

 _Feel_.

That pain and sadness made the numb feeling go away when he thought about Yamaguchi. And anything was better then nothing.

Even if he felt the urge to cry and scream when that smiling freckled face appeared in his thoughts every time he looked at the petals. At least it was _something_.

That's why he now had a jar full of flower petals on his bedside table. Beacuse that pain was a good pain. It was a reminder. Yamaguchi was his something even if it wasn't a good something.

He was feeling.

When Akiteru saw the jar, he didn't comment on it, he just hugged his brother tightly. When Kei didn't say anything, he took the message.

_The only reminder I need is inside that jar._

So that's why he acted like nothing happened when he went to practice that next morning. Surprisingly, nobody pressured him and they all acted like it never happened. Everyone but one.

"Tsukki"

"What is it, Yamaguchi?"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be"

\---

The flowers that decorated Yamaguchi's and Yachi's wedding were the the same colors as the petals Tsukishima had coughed out all those years before. He asked Yamaguchi to do that.

Tsukishima could not go to his best friend's wedding and not feel anything, could he? Of course not. He had to feel sadness and pain under his fake smile, _feeling is what makes us alive, isn't it? He was still alive,_ _wasn't him?,_ and for that, he needed his flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, some of you might think "why the hell is there a Major Character Death tag here???" The answer is that Tsukishima didn't die on the outside, he's still breathing and his heart still beats but on his inside,he's pretty much dead. ~forgive me~  
> Anyway, thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes! English is not my mother language!


End file.
